Archive for brunch

Steak and Eggs

Posted in Life with tags , , , , , , on November 24, 2014 by lisadiakova

The Steak and Eggs I’m having for brunch are so good I almost want to take a picture. I want to idolize this meal and put it on display to convey the experience. But nothing I can say or show you will make you understand the significance of this particular thing within the context of my reality today. I can help you imagine the breezes swaying in from the ocean a block away. I can describe the tourists in their airy clothing, with their huge beach bags, and adorable children. I can tell you about the bodies… all these beautiful nearly naked bodies glistening in the warm Miami sun. I want you to be here. To taste this. But you are not, and therefore the experience is my own. You can’t have it.

Lately, I’ve been disturbed by how many people I’ve encountered who are unhappy with their lives. Judging from the outside it seems like such an easy fix – to change, to make decisions that lead to new experiences. But when you’re in it, living it, the fear, if left untended, can consume every part of you, until you become something unrecognizable – a soft-spirited pile of mush that melts when put under pressure. It takes courage to be your truest self. It takes sacrifice, sometimes the kind of sacrifice that makes you want to scratch your eyes out. You can’t please everyone you encounter on your way, especially the nice ones, the ones who love you. It takes honesty. A person must face the animal inside if that creature is to evolve, to create, to succeed.

Honesty is such a difficult thing. People hold on to these ideas of themselves. They take pictures to portray the life they choose to share. No one sees the mold growing in the gaps, the crying babies, the dishes in the sink, the headaches, the talks of money… the bottom of the well. Most people don’t really want to see themselves. They don’t look inward long enough to realize the ugliness of it all, the beauty, the despair, the overwhelming love, the emptiness, the blessings… the juxtaposition of all the light and every bit of dark.

It frightens me that we seem to get further from enlightenment. We sacrifice our experiences to market an idea of ourselves. This is not to say that there is anything wrong with sharing the best image of yourself. The danger is in how much time we dedicate to this act of selling. If we lose ownership of our own experiences, we surrender our understanding of them, our perception of the world.

All this preamble, to accurately express what a wonderful weekend I’ve had on the beach, alone with my thoughts… how grateful I am for the life that I have, but above all, just how intensely I’ve enjoyed this meal. A picture just wouldn’t do it justice.

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